Please leave your questions for Dear Cougar in the comment section below, or feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
DEAR COUGAR: I am a 24-year-old man with a good job, a good relationship, a level head on my shoulders and a great family. Life has had its ups and downs, but I have always been optimistic and appreciative of my blessings.
My issue is with me. After 10 months or so of dating a woman, I always lose my physical attraction to her. It has been my downfall in both of my previous relationships. My current relationship is with a woman I should marry. She’s gorgeous, intelligent, and we have an incredible level of communication. I could not imagine a better partner. But my lack of desire to have a constant physical relationship is driving her away.
I occasionally initiate, but I’m usually not in the mood. I’d be happy with every week or every other week, but I’m only 24. Is this crazy? I know I’m making her feel unwanted, and it has become a sensitive subject for me.
Is this a sign that I’m not supposed to be in this relationship? Other women excite me, but I have no desire to be with someone else. What are your thoughts on this? – LACKING DESIRE
This is such a complex subject, but a huge issue for relationships and men that I felt I had to put my two cents in. First, your normal…let’s just put that out there. You’re 24 so if you went to the doctor and asked them to test your hormone levels they would probably laugh. You’re a young man seemingly on a good path. Things should be great in all areas of your life, right?
The deal is that simply you are a man. I’ve heard it said before that “a man is only as faithful as his options,” which I don’t agree with, but you have to remember that your male brain is hardwired to keep looking. It’s not like your girlfriend has become less attractive, but she has become familiar, and I can only guess that wherever you live you’re not surrounded by just a bunch of dudes throughout the day.
Options. Our male brains are always looking at options. Obviously men deal with that in several different ways, and most do so unknowingly.
My best advice to you is if you think she might be the one (or nearly), then focus your sexual attention on her. That means don’t direct it in other places that guys tend to direct their attention. I’m sure you can get what I’m saying.
Make a point, put a reminder in your phone if you have to, to make her feel sexy and wanted at least once a day. It doesn’t always have to be sex…but make her feel like you desire her in at least one way a day.
Desire can become habit forming. My hope is that if you’re into this girl, even in love with her perhaps, that she’ll become your habit.
PS…I would also suggest picking up The Male Brain. That explains everything.
I swiped this from Dear Abby because her answers bore me.